A Christmas Soccer Special

Listen to some music while reading


The Night Before the World Cup
Twas the night before the World Cup, and all through the house
Not a fan was stirring, not even a Scouse.

The 30 packs of beer were in the fridge with care,
In hopes that 3am would soon would be there.

The fans were nestled all snug in their beds,
While vapors of winning danced in their heads.

When from the alarm clock there arose such a clatter,
The fans ran down the stairs see the games that mattered.

Away to the fridge to grab a beer,
Turned on the remote and started to cheer.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a commercial for World Soccer Shop so clear.

With a familiar ring, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be FSC trying to be slick.

More rapid than Ronaldo I switched, from the 1987 ‘Pool game
And the fans whistled, and shouted, and called live games by name!

"Now Brazil! now, Spain! now, France and Costa Rica!
On, Portugal! On, USA! on, on Trinidad and Tobagin!

To the top of the group! to the top of the charts!
Now three points away! Beat away! Beat away all!"

And then, in a twinkling, we gulped down a beer
And danced around the room with World Cup cheer.

Then I smashed the beer on my head and turned around,
It was the game I had promised to watch with full sound.

The US and England together would meet.
For full points they’d fight, points they’d full need.

Oguchi Onyewu stood tall at the back.
Rooney stood quivering his arms limp and slack

Abonglahor cowered in his boots!
While Donavan scored to take the loot!

His bald head twinkled in the night air,
Bob Bradley pretended not be excited despite any scares

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
The England fans booed because they’re dumb fat jerks.

Then Freddy Adu and Jozy Alitdore,
Were released with a crash!

They sprang to the field and ran like a flash.
And I heard them exclaim as they scored of sight,
"Happy Soccer to all, and to England good-night!"