Monday, December 22, 2008

5 Types of Pick-Up Soccer Players

Listen to some chill music while reading Advantage Played

Pick-Up Soccer
No matter where you play pick-up soccer, gym, actual pitch, or bumpy grass field, you will run into the same types of soccer players. Who are these crazy footballers? Let me lay it out on the line for you.

1: Mr. Twinkle Toes

Mr. Twinkle Toes loves the ball and his Kaka jersey. If he had to choose between seeing his team score or doing a sweet step over he’s going to pick the step over every time. He doesn’t see soccer as a team game. When he’s on the field and has the ball, there is no need for a team.

Mr. Twinkle Toes believes that he can score every time he has the ball. No situation actually requires passing the ball. His magical abilities will surly take him down the pitch with no problem. All the way in the back corner? No problem. Mr. Twinkle Toes believes he can dribble his way out.

When Mr. Twinkle Toes doesn’t have the ball he believes everyone should pass it to him. You think you’re allowed to dribble and shoot? Wrong. Mr. Twinkle Toes will yell in frustration, “Why didn’t you pass the ball to me? I could have scored!”

Mr. Twinkle Toes will refuse to be the goalie. Often he will slink away for water breaks when it is his turn and can only be forced into the goal by direct confrontation.

2: The Longshot
The Longshot loves that moment when the ball connects with his foot and dips and spins into the top corner of the net. He’s scored amazing goals before and he’s convinced that he can score one every time he touches the ball. The Longshot just got done watching a You Tube compellation of John Arne Riise and is happy to swing as hard as possible with both feet.

The Longshot never stops believing in himself. Even thought the last ten times he got the ball he hit it 20 feet over the top of the goal and then watched the opposing goalie run to pick it up, he still believes. He’s the Mulder of pick-up soccer.

3: The Field General
The Field General knows his soccer. He’s probably played organized soccer at some point and knows how the game is supposed to be played. He knows how to make the runs, he knows when to pass, and he knows when to shoot. The Field General can be a great asset to your team if your team isn’t filled with Twinkle Toes and Longshots.

The Field General is also bipolar. On a team filled with mediocre and poor players he will start to overheat. When everyone is bunching together, no one is spreading the field, and there is no defense the Field General sees it all and he’s going to let you know it.

There the Field General stands, tying to command his stupid troops. With every order that is ignored, the Field General gets more annoyed. After enough frustration the Field General will give up trying to be helpful and turn into Mr. Twinkle Toes or the Longshot.

4: The Rager
The most dangerous pick-up soccer player, the Rager hides, often disguising himself as the Field General or Mr. Twinkle Toes. He will play normally for ten or twenty minutes before his anger and frustration boil over the top.

The Rager is usually calm until he is embarrassed, people start talking trash, or his team is losing badly. He’s a badass and he’s going to make it known one way or another. Oh it starts with little accidents, a high elbow, a kick in the back of the leg, an extra hard bump into goalie, but it quickly escalates to a serious level.

Get the Rager angry enough and the flying, two feet, studs up challenges come out. Get in the Ragers face and let him know what’s not acceptable.

5: The Old Man
The Old Man has been playing soccer forever. He knows the game better than anyone else on the field and he knows how to play every position. Because he doesn’t have the strength and the stamina of the younger players the Old Man is happy to play in defense. He’s not loud and angry, but he will let you know what to do if you are messing around.

The Old Man is a great asset. Unselfish, he will pass the ball and play defense when needed. If he wants to go forward in attack his teammates will generally cover for him. He never complains when it is his turn to be in goal, but he won't suffer in it forever.


Anonymous said...

Brilliant. I know one of each... I myself.... I'm a longshot, no doubt about it.

pecochran said...

That's a good one. I once played on a rec team (I was about twenty years old), with a team almost exclusively comprised of "The Old Man"s. It was wonderful. They would scrimmage the local high school teams and take them down on occasion. It was a delightful experience playing with those guys. Then they brought in a rager, and it became dramatically less fun.

Anonymous said...

Where are some good pickup games near Lee's Summit (Kansas City MO)? I'd love to find some exercise (preferably minus any ragers).

Unknown said...

Great POST! Can I be two, long shot and twinkle toes...? :) Ha. Actually I try to be the field general but I suspect I know what others think... Ben B.

Anonymous said...

I love this post! Playing soccer for nine years I definitely think i'm a little bit of each! Haha, especially Mr. Twinkle Toes...It's a bad quality of mine xD

Unknown said...

Great info! also, very humorous. i'd have to say that i am definitely the field general or more like field major. haha