Monday, December 8, 2008

Bats = Giant Bugs: A Real Interview With Ruud Gullit

The Man, The Legend, Ruud Gullit
Today we are taking a short break from the MLS season wrap-up (we’ll return to that on Wednesday) to talk with former Galaxy boss Ruud Gullit. I caught up with Ruud while visiting a clog manufacturing plant in Holland. While walking amongst the rows of ladies in white hats making wooden clogs we discussed his life, football, and surprisingly to anyone who doesn’t know the real Ruud, science. After the tour we headed to a local pub.

At the Dyke Plugger
We sat down in The Dyke Plugger to discuss his interview with three top Dutch scientists. During the interview he revealed to the scientists that he had uncovered a massive conspiracy within the scientific community.

An amateur bug lover in his spare time, Ruud has for some time been collecting data in a shiny plastic binder that proves that bats, do in fact, equal giant bugs.

After several shots of Dutch liquor, Zwarte Kip, we watched the interview on Ruud’s iPhone and he translated his groundbreaking interview for me.

The Interview

Scientific Hosts from left to right (Adriaan, Aagje, and Geertruida)
Aagje: We recently caught up with amateur scientist Ruud Gullit on the grounds of Feyenoord to discuss his recent scientific revelation, that bats equal large bugs. He was a little buzzed at the time from smoking the famous Dutch cannabis. He insisted over and over, despite all reason, that this should be a scientific fact. Let’s go to the interview.

Golden Haired Interviewer (GHI): You recently shocked the world by revealing that bats equal giant bugs. Should we be surprised by this?
Ruud: I don’t see why. It is common sense to anyone with eyes.

Aagje: We asked for proof and he insisted not once, not twice, but sixteen times that his theory was in fact correct.

GHI: Why are people skeptical about your bats equal giant bugs claim?
Ruud: I think they are afraid of bugs because they so popular everywhere around the world

GHI: But just like it’s a fact my hair is beautiful, it’s a fact that bats are not giant bugs.
Ruud: I think the scientist will just control public knowledge so it doesn't become more popular than their other famous giant bugs.

GHI: But bug fans everyone would love to hear this news, they want to know the truth.
Ruud: The scientists will never allow that.

GHI: Scientists are not partial thought; they want people to see how great bugs are. Wouldn’t this just make more people love bugs?
Ruud: Some bugs already have had a bit of a dive so they don't want the best bugs like the Stink Bug to become less popular, or the Giant Hissing Cockroach or the Japanese Giant Hornet.

GHI: This is ridiculous!
Ruud: Face it, bats are the big bug scourge of the skies.

GHI: I can tell you have put a lot of thought into this.
Ruud: Dusk! With a creepy, tingling sensation, you hear the fluttering of leathery wings! BATS!

GHI: There is no conspiracy!
Ruud: With glowing red eyes and glistening fangs, these unspeakable giant bugs drop onto you from above!

Interview Wrap-Up
After the interview Ruud and I parted ways. I enjoyed spending time with such an energetic and passionate personality until I realized Ruud had left me with the bill for the Zwarte Kip shots (10 Euros).

Next Time on Advantage Played
Back to the MLS 08 round up. We will take a look at September and October.

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